The Dating Files: The Spark

Do you believe in "The Spark?" I'm asking seriously because I'm undecided. On the one hand I want to feel that crazy whirlwind of excitement when I first meet somebody. But on the other hand, sometimes I wonder if I'm waiting for some invented Hollywood concept that's never going to happen. Maybe my expectations are too high?

As you've probably gathered (mostly because I tell you ALL the time), I go on a fair amount of first dates. And I've rarely felt that thing, that indescribable thing that takes over, a.k.a. The Spark. But I've gone on many dates with sweet, smart, nice, funny boys. And I always face a conundrum when deciding if I should go out on a second date with somebody when I didn't feel that thing. Should I give them another chance? Or is it hopeless if I didn't feel the crazy butterflies excitement on the first date?

Part of the problem is when I look back on the people I have felt The Spark with, it's always been a disaster. Sometimes it's been ALL physical and whiz-bang but that's never enough to sustain a real relationship. Other times I've felt The Spark it's been with men who are a little but screwed up and/or crazy and/and depressed and who maybe I want to save which is a bad habit from my past. One I am definitely trying to break.

So let's go back to basics. What even is "The Spark?" Is it an invented thing that's really just attraction? Or chemistry? Or is it that your pheromones are well matched on a biological level? Is it just personality meshing? Or is it something more?

I keep waiting for someone to knock me on my ass, to really dazzle me. But part of me wonders if maybe that'll never happen. Maybe I need to give more people a second (and third) chance because maybe falling in love doesn't always knock you on your ass. Maybe it can be a slow burn when you take your time to really get to know someone.

Common sense would tell me I'll just know, right? I'll know when I meet someone if it's a good thing, or at least right enough to see them again. But, I've been so wrong, so many times. And I think that makes me question myself too much. Maybe I'm too picky? Maybe I'm not picky enough?

But all I can do is keep on keeping' on, right? Keep trying to be happy and to take care of myself. And keep trying to meet someone who, crazy spark or not, complements me and my (awesome) life. But I want to know what you think. I ask everyone this question. My (genius) sister put it in these terms: "you should feel it on your insides." So that's my barometer these days. I want to feel it on my insides.

Which also sounds totally weird and a little bit gross. That's kinda why I like it though.

Happy Friday. xo,


p.s. Thank you so much for all your sweet and kind comments on my Things I Am Afraid To Tell You post earlier this week. It was little scary to put some of that stuff out there, but in a way it felt great. And your comments totally helped. Y'all are the best ever. Period.