Ugh. Exes. I know it's not exactly the happy and festive stuff that I've been posting so far but it's important business. Past relationships help inform future ones and I've had some major heart breaks over the past two years. Almost too many for this little heart to handle. And getting over them was some of the hardest shit I've ever done. Social media has made the moving on process so much longer and harder and messier than it ever was in the past. Nowadays, you can (way too) easily check up on your exes on the internets. It's better if they disappear and you can just pretend they moved away. But with Facebook, twitter, blogs, etc. a few clicks and there they are, right in front of you. I'm not going to lie, it took me a while to stop peaking and to realize that all it did was upset me. That's probably the first and most important step in moving on; just getting them out of your head.
And I don't know about you but I have this nifty (TERRIBLE) little skill of looking back on exes through rose tinted glasses. Every once and awhile I manage to erase from memory all the bad things that happened and why they were so wrong for me. Instead I focus on only the good things and I think "oh man, I"m never going to find that again." Of course, it's not true and I know that. And usually my sister/mom/girlfriend-I-happen-to-be-drinking-wine-with at the moment is able to talk me down and force me to take of those stupid glasses and see the failed relationship for what it is. Failed. I think sometimes being single and not knowing if/when you are going to meet somebody can be pretty terrifying and in a way it's easier to turn to the past. Because at least you know what the past is like. Yes, it wasn't perfect and there were some major problems but there are times when that seems like a better answer than the unknown. Because frankly, the unknown can be scary as shit.
It's taken me a long time (and a couple hours in therapy) to finally get to the place where I know I'd rather be alone then be with the wrong person again. This is huge! So let's all take a minute and celebrate that little milestone. Okay, back to stupid exes. Just kidding (kind of). They aren't stupid, they've just left with me a few scars. But I am better and stronger now because of all that heart break and I know now what I'm looking for. And I'm not going to give my heart to anyone who isn't up to the job of taking care of it.
So it feels good to be over my exes. To have sorted out what went wrong and made peace with the past. I feel like I'm sort of an expert at heart break, so I threw together a little cheat sheet of my favorite quotes for the broken hearted. And maybe this is overly optimistic of me, but I'm hoping most of my heart break is behind me. I'm hoping the next time I fall, it's for good.
Hey, a girl can hope right?